I’ve never felt good enough. No matter how many compliments land in my lap, I always find a way to sweep them onto the floor.
I often feel,
less than…
inadequate.
A few months ago, I stumbled upon a familiar Bible story but quickly felt drawn to an obscure character.
Leah.
Sweet, innocent, Leah.
The OTHER sister.
The not-so pretty one.
The unloved…
Can anyone relate? ?
Before we dive into this jewel of a story, let’s get our timeline in order.
Stay with me.
Abraham was the father of Isaac (the son he almost sacrificed on the altar, remember?).
Isaac was the father of Jacob & Esau (hairy ole Esau whose birthright was stolen from greedy Jacob & his conniving mother, Rebecca).
Jacob, scared that his brother Esau would kill him (rightfully so) flees to the land of his uncle, Laban.
This brings us to the fascinating little story of Jacob, Rachel & Leah.
Picture it:
Jacob is penniless, alone, & on the run in Genesis 29. Discouraged, dehydrated, & desperate, he sees a beautiful woman at a water well in the middle of the desert.
Rachel.
His uncle Laban’s daughter.
Beautiful, sensual, enticing Rachel. Ooh la la!
I feel like I know 1000 Rachels, don’t you? The woman we all envy, her hair never frizzy, her skin wrinkle free, & her body, well, delectable.
Jacob, captivated by her beauty, (shocker) falls truly, madly & deeply in love with Rachel.
But, there’s a catch. Jacob must work for seven years in order to receive her father’s marital blessing, far longer than the average timespan of the day.
Get this. Jacob agrees! Now THAT, my friends, sounds like true love! (or lust..uh hum)
Jacob works his pitiful little self to death for seven years & is finally ready to take Rachel, the love of his life, as his forever wife.
But,
(Cue major plot twist here)
When it’s time for Laban to give Rachel to Jacob to “fulfill their marital duties,” he instead sends Leah, Rachel’s much less attractive, much less desirable, older sister to him.
Now, we don’t know if Jacob was heavily intoxicated or the marital veils shielded her identify so much that he truly couldn’t tell who was in the room with him, but regardless, Jacob is fooled into taking LEAH & not Rachel as his wife.
In his fury the next morning, Jacob denounces Laban & makes a royal scene. Genesis 29:25 says, “So Jacob said, ‘What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?’” Laban’s thinly veiled explanation of cultural differences demanding the older sibling be married first fall on deaf ears.
Does Jacob have every right to be upset?
Of course, he does!
He’s been deceived, plain & simple. It’s easy to sympathize with Jacob, and maybe even Rachel! After all, she had been tricked out of a husband who loved her.
But, there is a forgotten character in this story.
Leah.
The OTHER sister.
She is the quintessential portrait of rejection & unworthiness. Think about it:
She’s older.
She’s less attractive.
Her eyes are weak.
This could mean she experienced visual difficulties or a deformity (Gen 29:15-17).
Her father feels she is so undesirable that he must trick a man into marrying her.
And now, she’s in a LOVELESS marriage with a man who really wants her sister.
Even after Jacob is married to BOTH women, Rachel quickly becomes jealous of Leah when she conceives children but Rachel for many years is barren.
What a miserable existence for this completely innocent woman?
Have you ever felt like Leah? Unattractive, dependent upon others for your worth, never fully, unconditionally & completely loved by anyone? Then dear ladies, you need to hear the ending of this beautiful story! Keep reading…
Throughout Leah’s life, she tries to gain the approval of Jacob through the children she gives him.
After the birth of each of her children, Leah cries out to the Lord, once saying he has SEEN her (birth of Reuben verse 32), then HEARD her (birth of Simeon verse 33) & finally hopes that her husband will ATTACH to her (birth of Levi in verse 34).
Can’t you just hear her crying, “See me! Hear me! Attach to me!”
When Judah is born, she names him “Praise the Lord,” & there is a brief moment when it appears she realizes her true acceptance comes from God alone.
But, none of her children bring her the acceptance she longs for from Jacob. He still loves only Rachel & Leah returns to her old ways, seeking to find her worth in what she DOES instead of who she IS.
She’s broken.
Utterly & completely broken.
Like many of you.
Like me at times.
This concept of brokenness appears so frequently in the Bible that it seems God wants us to really absorb its significance.
Gideon breaks jars of clay to shine the light of victory in battle.
A woman breaks an alabaster jar to adorn the feet of her Savior with fragrant perfume.
Jesus breaks bread during the last supper saying, “This is My body.”
In each of these cases, brokenness leads to completeness.
Ironic, huh?
Oh, dear friends, will you surrender to the defeat of brokenness, or will you allow it to teach, grow, & mature you?
Genesis chapter 30 ends with Leah still trying to establish her worth through childbearing & coming up cold every single time.
Poor, poor Leah.
Are you, like Leah, trying to find your worth in all the wrong places?
Things
Relationships
Jobs
Responsibilities
Even Christian service?
All are meaningless apart from the Savior.
What false gods have you used to fill the void in your life?
For me, the false gods took three forms: Accomplishments, Acceptance, and Affection.
Accomplishments: I’m blessed. I have a closet full of trophies, ribbons & plaques singing my accolades. And yet, there were never enough wins to make be feel like a true winner.
Acceptance: I’m the girl who always had 20 friends around her, but no best friends. But, oh how I wanted them. As a teen, I wanted desperately to belong to the popular circles. As an adult, I just want to be accepted, but guess what? I’m socially awkward & abrasive. Not a good combination for a lot of deep friendships, huh?
Affection: My focus from the time I was young was to “find me a husband”. But not any husband! My soulmate. A wonderful Christian man who could “complete me” just like Tom Cruise completed Renee Zellweger.
Unfortunately, I believe I missed out on many amazing opportunities to serve God because I had on my “boyfriend blinders”. I felt my number one mission in life was to find a spouse! If only the affection of my Savior had been enough…
You see, What I learned in 43 years of trying to fill the Leah void with people & things, was that my worth is ONLY in Him. Like the famous hymn says, “On Christ the Solid Rock I stand! All other ground is sinking sand!”
So how do I fight this daily battle of unworthiness?
It isn’t easy, but I do it through the 3 R’s:
READING God’s Word every day. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am your God. I will strengthen you with my righteous right hand.” And oh, how He does when I bury myself in His Word!
A real & intimate RELATIONSHIP with my Savior. Not just me talking & Him listening either. True, two-way communication by praying without ceasing, casting my cares on Him & then me listening for Him to speak.
And finally, a daily REALITY CHECK. Reminding myself that this earth is temporal but
my spirituality is eternal. I often ask
myself, “Will this matter in 20 years?”
If the answer is no, I move on down the yellow, brick road!
Before, I end, let’s re-visit the story of Leah for an oh so beautiful ending that Shakespeare himself couldn’t have written any better.
It appears upon first glance that her story ends unhappily. Jacob always seems to love Rachel more, Rachel’s eventual children become their father’s favorites (Joseph & Benjamin) & Leah dies quietly seeming to disappear into obscurity.
BUT….
Wait for it…
Rachel dies in childbirth & is buried on the way to Bethlehem.
At the end of Jacob’s life, guess where he asked to be buried?
Right beside LEAH (Genesis 49:27-33).
Maybe, sweet friends, just maybe, at the end of his life Jacob recognized Leah’s faithfulness all of those years.
Maybe in death, Leah attained what she had longed for.
This weak eyed, quiet, OTHER SISTER finally had the one she loved right beside her.
But, it doesn’t end there! And hear this, dear friends!
You see, all of those years of anguish, God wasn’t ignoring her.
God recognized Leah’s devotion, her faithfulness & her pain. Leah probably died thinking God didn’t hear her prayer, but…
Remember Judah? The son Leah named “Praise the Lord’? The son she gave praise for in the midst of her anguish? Let’s trace his lineage for an amazing surprise…
Judah was the father of Perez,
who was the father of Hezron,
who was the father of Ram, (Don’t tune me out…)
who was the father of Amminidab,
who was the father of Nahshon,
who was the father of Salmon, (Keep going!)
who was the father of Boaz,
who was the father of Obed,
who was the father of Jesse,
who was the father of KING DAVID,
who eventually was in the direct line of JESUS CHRIST!
Dear friends, all that time that Leah felt invisible & unloved she WAS worthy! God had a bigger plan! She would never know on this Earth, but from HER womb, would come OUR Savior!
Hear me today loudly & clearly.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
YOU have a plan & a purpose &
YOU ARE LOVED!
Dear God, I do not know who is reading this blog at this very moment, but You do. I have to believe that nothing is accidental & that you have brought the right person to this post at the right time.
I pray with unwavering faith that you will speak boldly to the person right now who feels unworthy & unloved. Wrap your arms around this dear, precious child, & allow him/her to know that their worth comes only from You.
Thank you, Lord, for answering this prayer & for loving me, even when I feel unlovable.
Amen.
Amy Riley has served in church ministry for twenty three years as a worship leader and children’s/ youth minister. Currently, she is the worship leader at Salvisa Baptist Church in Mercer County. She is also a certified school counselor, a writer and a lover of all things that sparkle. Amy lives with her husband and daughter in the rolling hills of Central Kentucky.
