10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before My Weight Loss Surgery

Deciding to have weight loss surgery in 2009 was one of the hardest decisions of my life, and I didn’t take it lightly.

Seminars.

Internet searches. 

Personal testimonials. 

If anyone should have been prepared for the “life after,”  it was me.  

But guess what? 

When my surgery was completed, there were many surprises.

Many things I wish SOMEONE had told me.

If you are considering the life-altering decision to have weight loss surgery, please know that it isn’t for the weak.

 In fact, if you can lose the weight without surgery, DO IT! Surgery should be your last option.

But, if you are like me and realize that your choice is to either have surgery or die, please consider these ten things I wish I had known.

#10.  People May Judge You. 

Of course, if you are overweight, you probably already feel judged in every way from what you order at a restaurant to how tight your clothes fit. 

But, I wasn’t at all prepared for a new type of judgment I received AFTER surgery. 

As excited as I was to announce that I’d lost 187 pounds, I was shocked to hear people say I did it “the easy way,” or that I had “cheated.” 

EASY?? 

CHEATING? 

Really?  Since when is vomiting, starvation & emotional torture easy? 

This new judgment, sometimes from other overweight people, came out of left field and floored me! 

Even the media often highlighted weight loss success stories with headlines like, “She lost 200 pounds WITHOUT surgery,” as if losing the weight WITH surgery was any less significant or worthy of celebration.

Looking back, I wish I had at least been partially prepared to handle the questions and insinuations of “not losing it the natural way.”

# 9.  Your Surgeon Probably Can’t Relate. 

While there are many AMAZING weight loss surgeons out there, MOST have never been overweight a single day in their life. 

I’m just being real. 

They all have different reasons for going into the weight loss specialty, but almost always, it ISN’T because of personal obesity.  In fact, most I’ve encountered are extremely fit and thin. 

After my surgery, there were times I wanted to bond with my surgeon & look to him for emotional support, but this didn’t happen. 

He was nice.

Kind. 

Knowledgeable. 

But, my attempts at evoking genuine empathy were often met with awkward silence and medical jargon. 

At the end of the day, surgeons are surgeons. Not therapists. 

As much as they might try to understand what its like to suddenly go through such a drastic physical and emotional change, they probably never will. 

Nurses and other office staff who actually HAVE undergone surgery are the ones you need to lean on. 

#8.  It May Be at Least a Year Before You Start to Feel Normal Again. 

I don’t mean that the entire year is horrible, but it isn’t normal.

 Not at all. 

My procedure (the duodenal switch) was intense.

There were days when I puked constantly and there were days when I would have cut off my arm to eat a Big Mac.  I even put a Big Mac in the blender when I was still on an all “liquid” diet!  True story!

It was a full year before I felt like I was eating even semi-normal portions. I wish I had a better understanding of the emotional addiction and how difficult this first year would truly be. 

Along those same lines, I also wish I had undergone therapy that entire first year. 

My addiction was real and going cold turkey without my “drug of choice” was brutal. 

#7.  Even Drinking Water Changes. 

It never occurred to me that after surgery I wouldn’t be able to gulp water after a big workout or exhausting day. 

Sips may be it for a long time, my friend, but this does improve after that critical first year, as do most other food issues.

#6.  Weight Loss Surgery is Still New and the Future Could Be Uncertain. 

In 2009, my doctor and nurses made an educated guess about what life would look like ten, twenty, thirty years down the road.

Truthfully?

 A lot of what they told me was, well…completely wrong. 

Most modern weight loss surgeries have only been performed for a few years. Unforeseen obstacles could pop up without warning.

For example, I knew that absorption of certain vitamins and minerals may be difficult even with supplementation, but this was a distant thought. 

After all, I knew I would follow my doctor’s recommendations, so I thought these deficiencies wouldn’t happen to me. 

WRONG!

At 41 years old, I developed full blown osteoporosis in spite of eating calcium supplements like they were candy. 

I still fight absorption issues that change like the wind.  But, with frequent blood work and a good nutritionist, I’ve been able to reverse almost every issue that has arisen…including my osteoporosis.

 I only wish I was more aware of the possibility of these “unknowns” pre-surgery.

#5.  Weight Loss May Affect Your Relationships. 

Yup.  This is a hard one. 

I heard people talk about this, but had the attitude of, “It won’t be me!” 

Well, guess what?

 It was me. 

When I say relationships, I don’t just mean your spouse or significant other.  Yes, that relationship is affected, but so are others. 

When you lose the equivalent of a whole person, your personality changes.  

At least mine did. 

 My family still talks about how different I became in the years after my surgery. 

Sure, I was more confident with my body, but I was equally as UNSURE about this new Amy. I no longer had the crutch of fat to blame for all my inadequacies.

In a lot of ways, I became more introverted.  If you know me, you know this was a MAJOR change. 

This caused me to interact differently with my peers, co-workers and pretty much everyone.  I developed anxiety and had to basically rebuild my internal image from the ground up.

#4.  Your Surgeon’s Bedside Manner Matters. 

This particular point comes 100% from my experience after my husband’s gastric sleeve surgery. 

Complications, though rare, do happen. 

After an almost immediate leak in his stomach pouch, my husband spent a total of 26 days in the hospital. 

Yes. 

26 days!

To say that communication with his surgeon was difficult was an understatement (see reason #9).

 At one point, his surgeon made his rounds in his workout clothes and I had to literally chase him down the hallway just to ask questions about my husband’s care. 

He stretched in his Spandex during our entire conversation while my husband was in the next room in a hospital bed.

I quickly realized that some of the “best” and most sought-after surgeons have horrible bedside manner; a skill that might not seem important pre-surgery, but is critical when something goes wrong. 

While in a perfect world you would have both, it just sometimes doesn’t happen that way. 

What’s even worse is that surgeons, we learned, are at the top of the hospital hierarchy.  I asked for help from top hospital administrators, but was told that they couldn’t correct the surgeon. 

He was the boss, and when we didn’t feel like he was meeting our needs, we felt trapped. 

Before your surgery, ask around!

 Talk to real patients and ask the hard questions about bedside manner. 

I regret that I didn’t. 

#3.  You May Still Feel Fat. 

In my mind, I still identify more with obese people than the average sized.  Even though I haven’t been overweight for almost ten years, in my mind, I will always be that person. 

It’s virtually impossible to erase thirty-three years of personal identity. 

Honestly, this process of reshaping my own personal cognitions required just as much work as the physical side of my transformation. I wish I had known this pre-surgery.

#2.  Not Everyone’s Experience is the Same. 

I glued myself to message boards and compared my journey to that of others.  But just because someone ate chicken at 3 weeks out (uh… what???!!?), doesn’t mean you can or should. 

I wish I had been more patient with my body and listened more to it instead of things I read from people on websites. 

Your body is unique and so is your weight loss journey.  You’ve probably lived your whole life comparing yourself to others.

 It’s time to stop!

And Number One…

1. It Does Get Better! 

While it may seem from this blog that there were only negative repercussions from my surgery, the truth is that weight loss surgery saved my life.

 I know this. 

Here I am at age 42, at a (mostly) healthy weight, watching my daughter go to high school and celebrating my 17^th wedding anniversary.  I truly believe this wouldn’t have been the case if I had continued to fail at dieting. 

While life isn’t exactly normal, it is better than the alternative.

My blood pressure is normal. 

My cholesterol numbers are STELLAR,

and I can walk up stairs without gasping for air! 

 That, my friends, is the whole reason I had this surgery….

TO LIVE!

Best wishes on your own journey toward health and wellness and relax!   You can do this!